Day 11 – Monday 31st October 2005

Halloween. Our second last full day in Hua-Hin, it’s totally flown in, but I’m kinda ready for Bangkok now. The weather has been fine since that intial downpour and today it was windy so I could actually spend some time at the beach. Hym0rs wasn’t feeling too good and missed brekkie! I tell you this, he must be ill.

Managed today’s Sudoku in about 15 minutes, which was ace! Did absolutely nothing else during the day, watched Snatch in the room whilst Burnsie caught some shut-eye before going out for eats at 7.30pm.

Went to a German place, ordered a Rump Steak, well-done. Came back with a reddy tinge to it – I cut it open, now this thing was Rare to Medium. I ate it cause I didn’t want to send it back, the old French toast trick on Roadtrip came to Hym0rs mind, me too, so I had to make do with it. Burn said that she wouldn’t have ate it, so it must have been bad. Ugh.

Went for an ale at The Road Hole, a Scots bar, played 1 game of pool which Hym0rs won, well deserved, takes the score to 16-12 to me. Afterwards we went to a small market place where both Curtis and Burn picked up a couple of bargains. Then back to the hotel where Burn was coughing and woke me up at 2am and 2.42am! Grrrr.

At the Road Hole pub, on the timer.
Hym0rs, are you ready for the photo? Hmm, obviously not.

Michael Hymers, man amongst men.....

And choob amongst friends.

Any takers? Didn’t think so.

Day 10 – Sunday 30th October 2005

Late to bed and missed brekkie, Burn was up and away as usual, nothing affects her!! I’ve decided that I’ve overdone it on the beers. I’ve been on them every night of the holidays and after that long walk then that jog back, I think I’ve dehydrated myself, cause I feel horrid this morning. I had to stay out the sun for most of the day (shock) after an early afternoon kick-a-bout on the beach with Hym0rs. Burnsie’s tan is coming along nicely indeed, not any burning to speak of over the passed few days and it’s all blending in nicely after a pretty bizarre start.

Weather is great as has been the case, though I read in the Bangkok Post that there is a Tropical Storm coming into Vietnam from the South China Sea, 120mph winds etc, so that should be interesting if it comes over land into the Gulf of Thailand. Don’t think I’ll bother mentioned that to the rest of the crew.

Started a Sudoku puzzle today – was at it for 2 hours, then had to give up, just can’t seem to figure it out :D Never mind.

Was still feeling quite crap when we went out at night, so I decided to stay on the water for the first and probably only night. The girls went to a bar where they had spotted Cheesecake for sale, whilst we hunted down the Bar we had seen with Setanta on, earlier in the hols to see if we could catch the highlights of the goals. Alas, what we thought was Setanta was in fact Goal TV, a channel which just shows the games now and again, so we were scuppered. I grabbed a quick BK (neeed a burger to get something in my stomach) before updating the Blog, after which we found the girls and headed to get some food. We had spotted on our tour of the bars that the Irish Bar we were in a few nights back had the Utd v Celtic game so we went ate there and the girls went shopping afterwards as Hym0rs and I watched the Celts 4-2 victory which put them top of the league.

Had so much water, so hopefully going to be back buzzing again tomorrow. Left the place and went round to the phone so Hym0rs could try and phone home – Lo! There’s Hym0rs head butting mate again, this time, Hym0rs managed to offload his strip that he’s been wanting to give him:


Hymers Senior and Junior out in the regalia.

Day 9 – Saturday 29th October 2005

Scorchio!! Hotter than yesterday. I can’t handle this today so me and Hym0rs decide that we are going to try and walk all the way to the end of the beach where there is a small hill, for want of a better description, with a gold statue on it. Trouble is, it’s 35 degrees, there’s little breeze and the ‘hill’ is about 5 miles away. Anyway, we got to about 0.5 miles to go and thought – sod this, lets take a photo and head back!!


So close!!

On the way there we spotted some minted private properties on the beach front and went in for a scoop.


Gulp. Very classy.

I actually decided to run back, leaving Hym0rs fending for himself with the jellyfish. I managed to run half of it fairly easily and then found that my left foot was getting a bit sore. As I type this I have an unidentifiable mound protruding from the just behind my toes on my left foot and am having trouble walking. Great! Never mind, in approximately 3 and a half hours, the big derby kicks off. Only way to get the scores in this evening will be via text or phone call, cause we’ll be eating when the game kicks off, so it should be some night. Just opened up a packet of Tomato Crisps. Not the usual sort of Walkers you’d get in the UK, its plain crisps with a tomato ketchup sachet that you’d get in BK! What’s that all about? I can’t seem to get a decent packet of crisps on this holiday!

This is our last Saturday night as we will be flying home a week today! Can’t believe how quick it has gone in! Let the Singha’s flow!

And flow they did, the derby result came through via a combination of text message from Jinty and phone calls from Fi’s dad, which was bizarre seeing as id just seen him at the pool a little earlier today! 2-0 to the mighty hi-bees. Mr Hym0rs, totally solemn for most of the night suddenly perked up and became lively again. Big cheers in the pub when the goals came through, locals must have wondered what was going on. Thai kids came into the pub and played Hym0rs at Connect 4 – lassie must have been about 11 and has worked in all the major tourist resorts already! Burn and Curtis got captured by the old deaf and dumb trick and bought a candle each. Me? Nah!

Back to our room for some beers – watched the Middlesbrough v Man U first half then stuck on some theme tunes.

Day 8 – Friday 28th October 2005

Well, yup, it is. Another slightly dickie tummy that was dealt with immediately at 6am, all good. Burn is tired today, you can see it in her eyes. Problem is though – it’s scorchio and there ain’t no way she is going to miss those rays! Brekkie at 9am, left Hym0rs and Curtis, we sorted out the sun bed situation, got 4 together on the beach, we were quite lucky, the hotel is packed and there were not many beds left to be honest. I say we got four beds, I never actually sat on mine, it was TOO HOT. Hym0rs appeared with the ball so it was straight down for some action, but the doofus had pumped it up too hard and it was too sore to kick! Hehehe. Burnsie took some zoomed in action photos, here are a few that turned out pretty good:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…. Yup.

103, 104, 105….. hehehe

GERONIMO!!! Spot the ball time!
Couple of people in the crowd watching on though!

Went for a walk after footy because I couldn’t lie down in the searing heat nor could I stand still because the sand was too hot. Must have walked a couple of km by the time I got bored and turned back, although I did see some nice properties on the beach front, check it:


This was a biggie, looks as though it was empty though.

That’s the sort of place you wanna be owning.

Hotels are made big in this country.

Cue the Riverboat Song….

Slater Menswear Fashions as modelled by
Michael James Hymers, man amongst Men.
Maximum Optical Zoom from miles away this one was taken!
Don’t believe in Digital Zoom by the way.

Sat down in the shade and read the entire Bangkok Post in the ‘Apple’ Lobby whilst the others burnt themselves for no reason at all in the sun. Took me the best part of an hour, but I can’t be bothered starting my Dan Brown book, Deception Point. I’ve got a mental block about starting the damned thing! Anyway, it passed the time and I didn’t get burnt, whish I could say the same about Burn’s feet and fore-arms though! Still, plenty of time for them to blend in!

Just before we went out – Mr Hym0rs revealed that he was actually a former Prime Minister of Russia….

Mikhail Gobbychav

Friday night on the town and we bumped into Hym0rs head-butting mate on the way home, and there was an exchange of heads again!! Hahaha. Went to Papa John’s for our meal – had Tomato Soup, Spaghetti Bolognese and some Draft Singha. Burn had her usual local dish sortta thing. Went for a walk and had a few drinks in a bar called Monsoon, Curtis bought some shoes. Stopped off at a random bar on the way back and Mr Bean was on the big screen, had a laff at that for a while. Fed some random cats then hit the 7-11 before the head butting incident and a tuk-tuk home.

Another photo taken on the timer….another success!

Mr C0ckburn’s Hua-Hin branch.

W00f!!!

Did a financial review, I’ve spent £100 and that’s eating and drinking every day without scrimping and saving, Burn has spent a hundred too. Such a cheap country. Hym0rs and I were discussing that if you came over with £100 you could make that last you for two weeks without any major scrimping and saving. As Burn says though, we are doing it the right way – Brekkie is included so we don’t eat until 8.30ish for our dinner, only a BK now and again for lunch. Anyway, enough spraffing, time to hit the sack…..I think it’s going to be another scorcher tomorrow!

Day 7 – Thursday 27th October 2005

Missed brekkie, just couldn’t get up cause the damned Indian from last night had me up at 5.30am with some stomach issues. Nothing a good flush couldn’t handle though. Last night I stuck a note through Mr Hym0rs door saying that Mowbray was off to Middlesbrough – totally fell for it, hook line and sinker, he was devastated this morning, there were reports that he was in tears from Curtis. Splendid.

Hibs won 2-1 at the Pars, setting it up nicely for the game at the weekend. We spotted a bar when we were on the tour last night that had Setanta, so it might be an idea to head there when the goals are on next Sunday at 7pm local time we reckon.

The rain came on for about an hour so Mr Hym0rs, Curtis and I went into Hua-hin, Curtis went shopping and Hym0rs and I went to update the blog and get some pool action in, after another trip to BK for a Bacon Double Cheeseburger. 17-9 to Campbell after a decent pool session at some random irish bar (the third one we’ve been in!). Walked back via the beach – grabbed some juice at the 7-eleven, Hym0rs makes a ‘Hym0rs random purchase’ and buys some weird ‘juice’ that comes in a small glass bottle that you’d get Benilyn in. Yup, after a quick sip, it was cough medicine. LOL.

Quality moment on the way back as this fellow baldy bloke on a bike shouted at Hym0rs, stopped beside us then stuck the heid on him. LOL!!! Funniest thing in a while that was!!

Funny cause we saw him later on when we went out for our meal, we were going to go over and kick the living daylights out of him, but that just wouldn’t be nice of us, would it!?

Went to this Restaurant that was shaped like a boat – it was heaving and huge! Had a lasagne – best meal of the holiday so far for me, even if it did take a while. The boss of the place was like a slave driver with the staff though L

Afterwards we walked around a bit and ended up back at Octopussy for the third time:


Back at the Octopussy, where the waitresses are a bit psycho.


Back at the Octopusy, where the clientele are a bit random too!

Didn’t get a chance to play any pool frames to add to the series (currently sitting at 17-9 to me), as there was a Liverpudlian and his auld-man on the table, the bloke was the best player I’ve seen in a long time, you couldn’t leave him ANYTHING on, he’d pot from any angle in any situation. Yup, I had to play him. But first up, you can choose your own tunes off the PC – they have 15000 tracks, so it was time to venture up to the PC for a swatch….. first up the Fraggle Rock theme tune! LoL. Various ditties were added to the playlist, ranging from Go West to Razorlight and from The Proclaimers to Suede. Oh, incidentally, I managed, somehow to win 1 frame off the Liverpudlian guy, got beat 4-1 from him overall.

Anyway, good night, more Tiger/Singha consumed and a good meal. What more do you want from a Holiday?!?! Got to sleep after 1 though, gonna be a tired one tomorrow innit.

Day 6 – Wednesday 26th October 2005

Couldn’t be bothered getting up for brekkie but did it anyway, had a couple of cheese sarnies, that’s what I’ve reduced myself too, no interest in the cooked stuff now.

Spotted a whole host of celebs at brekkie this morning. Hym0rs spotted Jackie Chan, here with his family, Campbell spotted Burt Reynolds, Jack Osbourne was sitting next to us as spotted by Burnsie, also Hym0rs spotted the bloke who ran The Inch when we did the laddies’ footy and unbelievably I saw Curtis’ faither here with another woman no less! Curtis never spotted anyone, she was still reeling at seeing her dad munching on some water melon.
It rained hard overnight and it was still spitting when we hit brekkie but had finished by the time we set out for the beach. Indeed, the sun was out in force, so the sun worshippers were well chuffed. I hit the beach at 11.30, just as it got a little cooler as a result of some cloud. Nice.

It rained hard overnight and it was still spitting when we hit brekkie but had finished by the time we set out for the beach. Indeed, the sun was out in force, so the sun worshippers were well chuffed. I hit the beach at 11.30, just as it got a little cooler as a result of some cloud. Nice. Anyway, the beach was looking good, check it:


This is the entrance to the hotel from the beach.


Some water-sports action.


Some horse riding action.


Give us a wave.

One of the locals got involved in the footy action on the beach, but then he left when he realised that I was very badly skilled in the art of, erm, ability and that Hym0rs was in fact a whale in disguise.

Table Tennis started in earnest and Campbell takes an early 3-2 lead in the series.

Pictures are banned from the blog, but Burn has somehow managed to burn her front even though she was tanning her back. Weird, she’s actually 4 different shades of, erm, skin. Campbell has managed to avoid much of a colour at this, the half-way stage, of the ‘beach part’ of the holiday. Bangkok to come of course.

Shock horror I actually managed to get a kip during the day – until one of the neighbours decided to start laffing his head off at something on the telly – waking me up. Yup, it was Hym0rs. Total git.

Off out for some chomp – went to an Indian, Hym0rs choice, I had the same as Burn, which is a rarity in itself, Chicken Tikka with Massala as a side sauce. Not too bad, but a bit spicy for me, even though apparently it was mild.


Erm, bit of a spicy chilli in there maybe?

Took a wander looking for some Irish Bar, eventually found it and had a pint of some weird German Beer – not the bestest!


No comment.


Spy Wine Coolers have a lot to answer for.
















Cocoon Alert!














Paparazzi Alert!

Day 5 – Tuesday 25th October 2005

“The Sun has got his hat on, hip-hip-hip hooray!” Well, it started quite dull, so the girls went into Hua-hin, then BOOM SNIP, the sun’s out, so they got a tuk-tuk back to the hotel to join me and Hym0rs on the beach for some worshipping. Even I was glad to see the sun, it has been a strange holiday so far to say the least!

Went for a walk along the beach on me tod. Bumped into a ‘tic fan. As you do. Spotted that the centre of the touristy bit is only about 10 minutes walk away, max.

New record set for headers at the beach. A paltry 21.

Burn has managed to now get a vest tan line from her 30 minute walk in the town this morning! Never rains but it pours (quite apt for here!).

Read in the Bangkok Post that there was a ‘flash flood aid centre’ set up for the locals in Hua-hin cause of the rain. Bizarre all this, seeing as we ain’t in rainy season, just a big cloud it seems! Anyway, here’s hoping that the sun is out for the next week and a bit that we are here in Hua-hin.


Kermit was almost squashed under the big
boats of the Campbell. He survived.
Miss Piggy sends her thanks.

What shouldn’t be in this pic?
Yes, it’s the famous hat from T-in-the Park.

Went out about 8pm, tuk-tuk into the centre with food on our minds, oh it was raining a bit, again, so the brollies were out for the ladies. Got off at the Sofitel and walked about a bit, deciding on a place right outside the Hilton – tomato soup – YES, chicken in a basket – YES, Banana Split – YES. Singha Beer LarDge – YES. Then it was off to Octopussy for some pool and chat. Mr Hym0rs was not in good form at all, so Burnsie was called in from the subs bench to take up the battle against the Campbell. Pool Series score at the end of the evening, 11-5 to Campbell.


Back at the Octopussy, Mr Hym0rs tries
to make light of his Pool nightmare.


It’s the shiny forehead brigade!

Google. Friend or Foe?

Evil, evil, evil!

After pool and beers it was time to head back and get a tuk-tuk, trouble was, it was chucking it down, but we were lucky to get one right away. Another day down, wonder if the sun will be back tomorrow?

Parasol Stars.

Day 4 – Monday 24th October 2005

Brekkie in the rain – STILL chucking it down and has been all night. Hotel is coping well only a few footpaths are flooded, but there is a big queue for brekkie, which we had separately from Hym0rs and Fi as there was no movement from them earlier and we went our separate ways. We decided that it would be a good idea, given that the weather was bobbins to go into the main bit of Hua-Hin so the girls could get a 2 hour massage and the guys could a) get on the net, b) get a BK, c) get a beer and d) get some pool in! Well, we got a tuk-tuk, and this footage shows just how bad the floods were!!! Totally amazing!

[flood footage to follow!!!]

The tuk-tuk had to give up as there was a 3 foot deep puddle in the middle of the road, so we had to transfer to a pick up truck to get through to the massage parlour. Only problem was, the driver didn’t really get our destination and dropped us off in the Sofitel (another hotel) which was on the opposite side of the road. Problem. Neither of the girls were in the least bit tempted by wading through 2 feet of rain water and possible sewage, so in steps Mr Hym0rs to give the ladies a collie-buckie over the road. Obviously I would have assisted but my old war wound from the Sudan was playing up at that time, much to Burn’s disgust.

2 hours later and we’d surfed the net, Campbell ended the pool challenge 6-4 up, on the worst table ever it has to be said and packed away a cheeky Double Whopper (Hym0rs) and a Western Bacon Che (half coke, half diet coke) (Campbell). Burn and Curtis had a great massage though it was a fully clothed one, I’m sure they will be back there, Burn to work on her shoulders no doubt. The T-in-the-Park hats were on, so the guys were looking dapper in the rain. Maybe trainers weren’t the best move for Mr Hym0rs, that’s them goosed for a wee while, so he’s wearing my slip on brown numbers.

A cheeky stop off at the 7-eleven on the way back for muchos beer and Spy Wine Coolers was in order as we had booked up for a buffet in the evening in the hotel, there is no way I’m back to the centre with the weather like it is. Bonanza discovery on the way back though! We found the Table Tennis Table, stuck in a nook in the back of the hotel layout. Let the king of the spin commence his rain (get it?).

The buffet dinner was sufficient, some Chang were supped on (6.4% local beer and sponsors of Everton last season by the way). Girls were on the pineapple juices, until we got back to the room – time to teach (or in Hym0rs case, to re-teach) the rules of Texas Holdem to the gang and get the game going. Turns out that we all had sufficient change to come up with a fiver of spondoolics to get the game going. Here’s some footage of the event, which was supplemented by more Chang, some Spy Wine Coolers and music courtesy of the Laptop:


We got the local oompa-loompa to take this pic.


Next Slater Menswear catalogue model?


Okay, maybe not then.

The saying of the holiday so far has to be that someone has ‘A face like an Angry Veruca’ ß Take not Mr Cockburn. Here are our examples of what an Angry Veruca looks like, taken after a good few ales, but I think you will find these to be as accurate as you can get:

The itchy veruca?

The scratchy veruca?

Karate veruca.

And what the hell is that?

Mr Hym0rs was the surprise victor at Kerdz, both Burn and Campbell lost all of their £5 stakes and with Curtis coming out roughly even, that meant that Mr Hym0rs paid for the taxi and the smoked sausage supper with a cheeky Thai Mushroom, on the way home, with his £10 win. Note – that this would never happen back home, the weather was obviously getting to me.

Big thumbs up for the winnings.

Nae need for that though.

Day 3 – Sunday 23rd October 2005

Hmm, woke up at 9.25 – thought we were about to miss breakfast so had to dunt Shaz and get her moving, though I’ve since learnt that brekkie is till 10.30. Hmmz. Anyway, as the weather was overcast we went for a walk along the main drag – what a bloomin drag it was! It’s like Ferry Road x 2 – and there’s nothing worth looking at – NOTHING. I was beginning to wonder if this place was going to cut the mustard, then we took a cheeky turn towards the fishing pier…….


Looks cold doesn’t it! Wasn’t. Honest.

…………and boom, there we are – we found the touristy bit! There’s restaurants galore and, wait for it, a BK! Thank you Mary mother of God. Straight to BK for a milkshake, a-thank-u.


I’m gonna run a caption competition for this one!


Not an enviable position to be in!


Michael Hymers, Man amongst Men. Sissy drink though.

The Jailhouse restaurant was a good spot –grabbed a Map, found all the good bits, sourced out some Elephant Trekking information and Burnsie spotted a cheeky Thai massage place

We then decided that it would be a good idea to head back to the hotel (around 2.30pm) and come out a little earlier in the evening (5ish) so the ladies could get a rub-down and the blokes could, well, have another Singha I suppose!

DISASTER STRIKES.

When it rains it bloomin rains!!



We decided that a tuk-tuk was the way forward and got dropped off in the main touristy bit beside the Hilton Hotel – the rain had eased off, so we picked a cheeky Italian restaurant for our meal. Then, WOOSH, a downpour that is still continuing as I type this about 6 hours later. Flooded streets? Yes. Puddles? Yes! Soaked? Yes? So much so, that Shazza’s just had a BATH and some pills to stave off the Bird Flu! Incidentally, despite all of that weather, Burn got bitten again! Have mosquitoes will bite.

Before we came back ‘home’ Mr Hym0rs took us (yet again) to a questionable establishment, in the middle of Hua-Hin Red-light area where we got to watch the majority of the Newcastle v Suderland (3-2) game before heading back to the Hotel.

Burnsie is still troubled by her bites and by the lack of decent weather, which ain’t good to be honest. Roll on tomorrow!